Dear Ashmitha,

something else occurred to me – that he seems to be meeting his emotional needs with his friends and family, and not with you. You said you’re emotionally quite closed off and it’s hard for you to share your feelings. Once when you were upset with him and were reluctant to be intimate with him, yous said he had to pry information from you – it was so hard for you to tell him what’s bothering you.

In order to have an honest relationship, you’d need to be able to tell him what’s bothering you, e.g. “I am hurt when you don’t want to spend weekends with me.” Or, “I feel neglected when you don’t reply to my texts.” Using the “I” form. Not accusing him or blackmailing him (e.g. by withholding intimacy), but expressing your feelings and your need.

Something like: “I am hurt when you don’t want to spend weekends with me. I would need you to spend every second weekend with me.”

Do you think you’d be able to do that? Maybe you’re afraid that if you’re so open and “demanding”, he’d abandon you. But for a relationship to work, you’d need to be able to express your feelings and your needs in this way.