Dear Madi,

I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough to be married to him and so this relationship will always have an expiration date.

This relationship will always have an expiration date, but not because you’re not good enough to be married, but because of his fears around getting married, which have nothing to do with you. If he doesn’t deal with his fears, he won’t be able to marry you, or stay married to you, even if he loved you very much.

When I explain these things he also said he’s also not sure about his plans because he feels this now but he never used to feel this before and he may not be this way in the future.

You mean he never felt the fear of getting married come up so strongly in his previous relationships, but only with you? If so, he’s probably very much attracted to you and sees you as a potential long-term partner, but this triggers his fear. He’s very conflicted because on one hand he loves you and would like to hold on to the relationship (he told you he can’t live without you), but on the other, this is exactly what triggers his fear.

I understand it’s hard for you to be totally relaxed and in the moment, when there’s this looming possibility of breakup down the road – even if you’re not sure yet if you’d want to marry him some day. You said you want to have marriage at least as an option, and you’re right that with him, this option is practically non-existent, unless he works on his fears in therapy. He might have stopped mentioning it for the moment, but the fear isn’t gone, he’s just controlling it better in front of you.

So if you want to be in a relationship with someone with whom you do have the long-term option, I think you should ask him to deal with his fears. If you’re so important to him, he should be willing to work on it. If he refuses, then you know where you stand. How does this sound to you?