Dear sossi:

“he was talking about leaving the country which made me depressed. Maybe he is right? I should not hang on for so long, but do something different. I wish I had more guts”- I too wish you had the courage to leave your workplace and the country you are in, if indeed it is the country that is adding to your depression.

You try your best to keep your head down, you wrote, to swallow your anger/ to not show it, but the anger spills and overspills (“this general emotional overspill”). You are walking around with too much anger in you, and it overspills no matter what or who you are interacting with:  “even if I take a walk something happens that irritates me… although I like him as a friend, some of this behaviour irritates me”.

This means that situations that are not offensive cause an overspill of  your anger (a walk), and people who are nice cause an overspill again (the friend you like).

“I often feel a huge amount of sadness for situations or people I don’t even know”- probably because people you don’t know don’t cause an overspill of your anger. Without anger, you are able to feel something that’s different from anger: sadness.

“I’ve not been feeling very healthy (tired and sometimes unwell)”- lots of anger makes us sick because it is an excited neural/ chemical state of the brain and body. Sadness is way healthier to feel than anger because it is a way calmer neural/ chemical state of the  brain and body. Therefore, of the two, I wish you felt sadness.

anita