I think you need to look at how far you’ve come. You’ve overcome so much. You are not your past. You are not the bad things that happened. They weren’t your fault. If people are only half in and half out with you, that’s not a real relationship. If you are seeking support, this is a great start. There are also facebook support groups to look into such as for  PTSD. https://www.facebook.com/groups/WmnwPTSDUnitedSupportGroup is one> i’m not in it so I don’t know if it’s good but just search “ptsd support” under groups to find more. Keep reaching out. You can find local ones too. I would also recommend a therapist to help you with your suicidal feelings. It’s okay to ask for help. If you feel like you are drowning, it’s time to ask for help. Coming here is a great place to start, to get some support, but do tell a professional that you’re feeling this way.

I get lonely a lot too. I don’t have many close friends even though I’m very social. My family isn’t super close either and Ihave trauma as well from some of them. I grew up with no one to talk to or turn to. So I get what you are feeling. I recommend the book Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. It helped me when I was at rock bottom.

You are not alone even though you feel like it. You are worth it.

List out some things you like about yourself.

List out some positive affirmations.

List out some gratitude things. “I am grateful that I have made it this far…”

Try anxiety journaling where you write what you are anxious about for ten to twenty minutes to get it all about. This is also called worry journaling.

Here’s a meditation I love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZEdkZsaUQ8

Try escaping as well. Do something just for fun. When is the last time you really laughed or smiled? What were you doing?This might sound silly but I watch prank videos lol 🙂 I like Impractical Jokers a lot.

Remember that this feeling will not last. Come here, reach out to support groups on facebook and in person, go to your therapist and try these coping skills I have listed. Read that book if you get a chance. 🙂

I know it’s hard right now, but better days are coming. You just have to know you’re worth it. And you are.