Dear kleineBlumeallaine:

You are welcome.

“Me and my family never had a good relationship, which made my childhood and adulthood quite difficult”- better have no relationship with your family of origin, so that the rest of your adulthood is easier than your life so far.

“my parents told me they did their best and that no one will love me if I play broken”- they didn’t do their best (and if they did, then their best was far from being good enough!), and they broke you and then accused you or warned you against playing broken.

“my elder sister… told me I have breasts as ‘milk cans’, and that I will be.. used for sex only, as a grown up”- your elder sister sexually  harassed you when referring to your breasts in this context and suggesting that you will be used for sex. She didn’t see you as a person with feelings, a person who has basic rights and deserves respect, when saying that: she saw you instead as a sexual object to be used (by men, as a grow up).

“I know that they  hurt me, and I wish they would acknowledge it instead of pushing me into this role of the unthankful, cold child”- it is convenient for them to push you into that role, it makes them feel comfortable to view you as cold and unloving and themselves as warm and loving.

“it is somehow tempting to believe they are right and I just have to fix myself to have a loving family”- you already have a loving family: “a loving boyfriend (5 years), good friends, a home and a steady job”. In regard to your family of origin, the one that made your life difficult so far, leave them alone to .. love each other and enjoy their view of themselves as warm and loving people.

anita