Dear DaveF,

you’re very welcome. I am happy to hear that you’ve managed to talk more calmly with your girlfriend and are considering the option to live apart for a while. Also, that you have stronger and stronger feelings that you want to trust yourself and believe you can do it, even if it’s going to be hard. That’s a great attitude, and it shows you do have a certain strength and don’t believe you’re completely helpless and stuck.

I feel so sorry for my partner and my feelings make it hard to hold back the tears most days.

It seems there’s a part of you that feels guilty for asserting yourself and having your needs met, and it could be coming from the little boy who didn’t want to burden his mother with his needs, when she was struggling alone, being a single mother?

I am so scared that if I do take action, I would feel so lonely and regretful,

This sounds like another part of you, who’s afraid of being abandoned. And it could be because one parent (your father) had already abandoned you, so there’s a threat of that always looming…

You are right that I believe those things that she said to me, that I “won’t find someone who loves me like that” or that “I won’t be able to manage on my own”. But I have stronger and stronger feelings that I want to trust myself, and understand that it will be hard but I need to do this for me, and believe in myself.

It’s great that you’re aware of those voices within you, but also, that your confidence is growing and that you feel a strong need to stand up for yourself, to assert yourself.

Regarding your friends, I understand you’re hurt by their rejection. I don’t know whether there are objective reasons why they can’t take you in (e.g. if they have a family, or a partner who’d feel uncomfortable with another man living in the same apartment for 6 weeks), or it’s rather them not wanting to be disturbed for selfish reasons. You may want to re-evaluate your friendship with them, if you feel they’re really selfish and could have helped you if they wanted to…

What’s good in the whole story is that you’ll be soon moving to your own flat, which is fantastic, and only need to find a temporary accommodation. Do you have an idea how to bring that about?

Please free to express whatever it’s on your mind and heart, you’re not “ranting” at all, you’re expressing yourself very coherently and with a lot of self-awareness. I am happy to read from you.