Dear DrB:

“I love who I thought she was, I hate the one I know now… I love her but she does not”- it is almost a universal story: falling in love not with the person, but with whom we need the person to be. Even when we hate the one we know, we still need them to be someone else, and we keep craving that someone else.

For me and for so many, the first heartbreak, the first “I love her but she does not”, happens in childhood: the child loves his/ her mother deeply, completely, unconditionally.  Most often, the mother does not reciprocate that quality of love, and the result: the child experiences his first unrequited love, his first heartbreak.

Fast forward, the man falls in love with a woman, needing her to reciprocate that quality of love that he is still craving. Of course, this may not be true to your individual story. Is it?

anita