Dear Ashmitha,

I am sorry you had another disappointment. But it’s great that you talked to him beforehand and honestly expressed your concerns and also your needs. That was a huge step you did for yourself – so well done!

He said everything was unintentional and hard to see without taking a step back and evaluating it.

This I feel is again one of his manipulations. He’ll always find some excuse why he cannot spend more time with you, he’ll always find some justification. Like now: you agreed to have a date and he cancels in the last moment, but not due to an emergency that he really needed to tend to, but do to a family event that a) he probably knew in advance about, and b) is not super important either, because it’s a prayer for his cousin’s mother who passed away 2 years ago.

I am almost sure he knew about this prayer in advance, since he’s so close to his family, they probably informed him. If it was really important that he be there, he could have arranged a date with you for another day, say Sunday. But I guess on Sunday he has other family obligations, which he doesn’t want and doesn’t dare to cancel. You say it wasn’t the first time he cancelled due to his family, so clearly, they are his priority, even in unimportant things, which he definitely wouldn’t need to tend to.

In this situation, I could see how it wasn’t his fault since it was his family. But I feel they are so demanding of his time. This has bothered me early into dating. And he doesn’t have a backbone so he doesn’t say no to them. I don’t see this changing either.

Actually, I think it’s his fault because he most probably knew about it, but thought he’d be able to skip it, but then as soon as his sister texted him, he agreed to go and cancelled your date. Which means, as you say, he isn’t able to say No to them, and if he isn’t willing to change, he’ll always prioritize them before you.

If you were to get married, it would be a nightmare to have a husband who’s so much controlled by his parents and his family, while his wife almost doesn’t have a say. She’s just there for sex and raising the children, and is given hardly any respect and appreciation, and isn’t considered in important decisions. This I see as a real threat if you’d marry this guy, unfortunately.