Dear V:

Welcome to the forums!

Your plan is: “to develop myself professionally, mentally, and emotionally to the fullest… to.. become financially and emotionally stable and secure.. focus on my career, build a strong foundation for my life and follow my purpose (which is working in climate change and sustainability)”, “and then invite another person into my life”.

You asked: “will it be too late if I start becoming open for a relationship after like 25? Any thoughts?”- I think that it is excellent that you focus on your studies and career before you venture into dating and a relationship, and there is nothing wrong for a young woman to not date before she is 25.

“Am I missing out on not dating in this age? Some people also tell me that I may never know what I want out of a relationship if I never try“- first, trying at 25, in four years from now, is not “never”, second: you are not missing out on what lots of women experience as a result of dating: heartache, disappointment, unplanned pregnancies, etc.

Part of your reasoning that it is better that you postpone dating is: “I am not completely confident and secure in my body, in my abilities and personality. I know I have a lot of insecurities, and I just don’t think I can handle a relationship with those feelings at the same time. I also realize I am afraid to put myself out there and think who would like me?”-

– this is a good reason to indeed postpone dating until later. If you want to, and feel comfortable to elaborate on your lack of confidence/ insecurities, you are welcome to do so. If you address these insecurities, it may help you later, when you go on your first date.

Your insecurities though are not likely to be fully resolved before you go on your first date, therefore it will be important for you to make ground rules for your dating, such as specifying disrespectful behaviors on the part of your date that will lead you to end the date immediately, or to not setting a second date with that person. Setting Dating Ground Rules (and making changes to them as needed over time)  will make you feel more secure when you start dating.

“I believe in the law of attraction…  I want to attract the best possible partner (as everyone of course). I don’t think I am at my best self yet and want to first improve and become the person I want to before looking for my partner. Be my best self to attract the right person”- the Law of Attraction is a pseudoscience idea that says that our thoughts are “pure energy” that attract similar energy in other people, as in.. thoughts attract similar thoughts. Even if there is some truth to it (certain thoughts can produce a sincere smile in a person and a smile is often attractive to others), in the dating world, people are attracted to others for a complexity of reasons, many are physical. Two people are often attracted to each other for different reasons.

I hope to read from you again, and thank you for your interest in climate change and for planning to work in the field!

anita