Thank you for helping me clear things up in my head a bit more. I think there was and is a large dichotomy between my objective and subjective experience and being exposed to that all the time heightened my anxiety a lot.

I am hoping to meet up with her on Wednesday. I have never fully explained my feelings towards her and I’m planning to discuss my feelings for her and why and where they come from. Doing that feels important to me. I want to find out what she thinks about me and whether she has had similar thoughts and feelings in the past. Do you think there is anything else that might be important to discuss?

Even though I do love her and care very deeply about her I’m unsure whether I would like a relationship with her. This doubt feels odd as I have incredibly strong feelings for her. We had a very very good friendship and were very respectful and kind to each other so I don’t know where this doubt comes from.