Dear Javairia:

The weather here is nice at the moment, warm these days but grey lately and rainy. I am glad you enjoyed the weather today.

In regard to your friend who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and bi-polar disorder, she is having “a hard time with meds”, and does not want to follow her doctor’s instructions in regard to setting a sleep routine, feeling that she’ll function better if she occasionally stays up all night.

“Is there a way I can make it better? What should a good friend do in this situation?”-

– tell her (1) to bring all her concerns regarding the medications and instructions her doctor gave her- back to her doctor for a consultation, (2) to follow her doctor’s instructions to a tee, (3) tell her that she is the patient, not the doctor, (4) that if she is unhappy with her doctor, she should find a different doctor.

“what I might do to make it worse?”- if you play doctor and give her medical advice, if you tell her that she should get over her depression,  and such unempathetic things (I can’t imagine you’d do that),  but the main thing I think that you can do to make it worse for yourself is to have a repeat of your experience with the friend you referred to in the title of this thread.

Back in March 2020, you wrote: “We started to talk every single day.. he would vent out at any hour.. he would just tell anything and everything…mostly he told he was dealing with a lot mental disorders. I suggested him therapist few times too. He finally got one, but after like three sessions he decided he’ll never go back there. he told me the therapist didn’t help at all“- similar to your current friend who is also dealing with mental disorders and seems be unhappy with her doctor.

“Being friends with him, means getting my space and values invaded…I’m a people-pleaser and would do anything to make someone fulfill their needs, even if it means making myself uncomfortable”. Over a year later, regarding your current friend, you wrote: “We call almost everyday for at least 2 hours… And I feel guilty these days after she’s done calling. She sounds tired and low a lot.”

– My advice: don’t spend too much of your time and energy trying to help your friend, set a time limit per phone call. Be aware of your people-pleasing tendency and make sure that your needs, comfort,  “space and values” are of a higher priority- in your mind and life- than what she needs or wants.

anita