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Need an Advice for a friendship

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  • November 21, 2020 at 7:05 am #369694
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    You are welcome to feel that hug every time you need it. Headphones and music is the best you can do in your living circumstances. Good thing that schools are still open and I hope they remain open.

    anita

    December 12, 2020 at 9:30 am #370964
    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Thank you for the validation.

    It’s been two weeks since our schools closed again. Everything shut down once again; and with sudden alarm. My head has been a big mess. I haven’t been able to gather up or organize my thoughts on a single thing that’s going on in there. Anita, I’m having a hard time. I’m sorry I had to tell this to someone. I just wanted someone to know.

    I am hoping things are better where you are. I am hoping you’re well

    -Javairia

    December 12, 2020 at 9:53 am #370965
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    No need to apologize for posting on your thread about having a hard time: I want you to post about hard times (and better times), if it makes you feel a bit better.

    I understand your distress about schools being closed- that’s how you got to have a break from being at home/ being around your mother. I am sorry you no longer have this opportunity, and hope that schools will open safely soon!

    Here in the U.S, there were almost a quarter of a million of new infections yesterday, and in the last three days there were more than 3 thousand new deaths every day- scary. Where I live- indoor dining is shut down, but outdoors dining/ socializing is happening and it is a great relief for me.

    I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours, please feel free to post anytime, at any length and express yourself fully. I will check your thread when I am back.

    anita

    December 13, 2020 at 12:02 pm #371007
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    That is a pretty alarming news, I hope you and other citizens are coping well.

    Thank you for understanding. I really don’t get the hold of my thoughts when I’m at home. Even when nothing particularly bad is happening, I just seem to lose all my motivation, discipline and energy. I am not myself right now. And this lifeless me needs to get done with really important stuff like Scholarship Award Applications, studying for A-levels exams and such.

    I am guessing I’ll have to find a way or excuse to stay out somewhere to do my tasks. I really want to run away from this stillness, it’s eating me away. What do you do when you feel stuck in life?

    -Javairia

    December 13, 2020 at 12:43 pm #371014
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    I am coping best I can, thank you. And you are welcome. I understand you losing all your motivation, discipline and energy when you are home- that’s how I felt when I was home, with my mother. I too felt lifeless, wanting to run away from the stillness/ lifelessness- run toward life.

    “What do you do when you feel stuck in life?”- when I was stuck with my mother I used to day dream a lot, fantasize about live elsewhere, far away. Otherwise, I tried to focus on my studies and not pay attention to her, but that was hard to do (to not notice her).

    anita

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    December 24, 2020 at 4:27 pm #371659
    anita
    Participant

    Merry Christmas, Javairia!

    anita

    January 3, 2021 at 6:30 am #372107
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Since it’s past New Year’s already; I wish you all the belated sincere greetings. I hope you still are coping the best.

    I am happy to write that I am, too, coping the best right now.

    It put a smile on my face today, when I discovered that you were thinking of me on an important holiday. Although I don’t celebrate Christmas, it was nice to receive a holiday greeting as a warm gesture. So that’s how you go on the list of ‘one of the first things that made me genuinely smile this year’! And in return, I wish that if such list exists for you(on a paper or as a mental note), you get to fill it with nice and interesting things.

    I truly appreciate all your replies and your presence on this forum. Stay healthy!

    Regards,

    Javairia

    January 3, 2021 at 7:30 am #372112
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    Thank you! Good to read that you are coping the best right now, and it feels good to be on your list of one of the first things that made you genuinely smile this year!

    You are on my list of things that make me smile as well, and I am smiling right now!

    anita

    January 9, 2021 at 5:59 am #372468
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    As always: delighted to read your response. I am so glad to know that I made it on your list too!

    Bless you

    -Javairia

    January 9, 2021 at 7:04 am #372470
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you,  Javairia, you are very kind. May this year, as it proceeds, be a better year for you and me.

    anita

    February 23, 2021 at 10:09 am #375110
    Javairia
    Participant

    Thanks a lot, Anita. The wishes are truly warm, I hope they come true

    February 23, 2021 at 10:19 am #375113
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Javairia.

    anita

    June 15, 2021 at 11:06 am #381496
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I hope you’re doing well. The weather where I live was really pleasant today. And I hope you get a nice weather where you are too.

    I’m adding on this thread for another advice.
    My best friend got diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar recently. She’s having a hard time with meds and trying to keep with new “go to sleep on time” instruction. The doctor says it’s important for bp meds to work and such, and she says she feels extremely lethargic and unmotivated if she gets a full nights sleep. Meaning the only way, she thinks, for her to be productive is through a wonky sleep schedule that let’s her pull all-nighters here and there. And she’s somehow also energetic on days she hasn’t gotten enough sleep.
    Along with the sleep issue, she’s also going through a depressive episode. She stated that she’d rather not like to call it one, but I guess that’s what it is.

    We call almost everyday for atleast 2 hours to catch up on things. And I feel guilty these days after she’s done calling. She sounds tired and low a lot. Is there a way I can make it better? What should a good friend do in this situation? What’s the best I can do? And what I might do to make it worse?

    Thanks for listening, as always. Have a great day

    -Javairia

    June 15, 2021 at 1:09 pm #381502
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    The weather here is nice at the moment, warm these days but grey lately and rainy. I am glad you enjoyed the weather today.

    In regard to your friend who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and bi-polar disorder, she is having “a hard time with meds”, and does not want to follow her doctor’s instructions in regard to setting a sleep routine, feeling that she’ll function better if she occasionally stays up all night.

    “Is there a way I can make it better? What should a good friend do in this situation?”-

    – tell her (1) to bring all her concerns regarding the medications and instructions her doctor gave her- back to her doctor for a consultation, (2) to follow her doctor’s instructions to a tee, (3) tell her that she is the patient, not the doctor, (4) that if she is unhappy with her doctor, she should find a different doctor.

    “what I might do to make it worse?”- if you play doctor and give her medical advice, if you tell her that she should get over her depression,  and such unempathetic things (I can’t imagine you’d do that),  but the main thing I think that you can do to make it worse for yourself is to have a repeat of your experience with the friend you referred to in the title of this thread.

    Back in March 2020, you wrote: “We started to talk every single day.. he would vent out at any hour.. he would just tell anything and everything…mostly he told he was dealing with a lot mental disorders. I suggested him therapist few times too. He finally got one, but after like three sessions he decided he’ll never go back there. he told me the therapist didn’t help at all“- similar to your current friend who is also dealing with mental disorders and seems be unhappy with her doctor.

    “Being friends with him, means getting my space and values invaded…I’m a people-pleaser and would do anything to make someone fulfill their needs, even if it means making myself uncomfortable”. Over a year later, regarding your current friend, you wrote: “We call almost everyday for at least 2 hours… And I feel guilty these days after she’s done calling. She sounds tired and low a lot.”

    – My advice: don’t spend too much of your time and energy trying to help your friend, set a time limit per phone call. Be aware of your people-pleasing tendency and make sure that your needs, comfort,  “space and values” are of a higher priority- in your mind and life- than what she needs or wants.

    anita

    June 15, 2021 at 1:37 pm #381503
    Javairia
    Participant

    Thanks a lot for the advice. I’ll read it a several times tomorrow as well.

    Might add on to this thread if I’d have anything to add. Thanks again!

     

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