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Need an Advice for a friendship

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 56 total)
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  • #347750
    Javairia
    Participant

    *and by digging my nails into arms, to scratch the skin badly.

    I apologize for the uncomfortable content

    #347754
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    He vented to you to relieve himself from his distress at your expense. I wrote this to you earlier, not knowing that at-your-expense meant that you harmed yourself as a result of his venting/dumping his distress on you. This is making me very angry! You must stop your contact with him, for crying out loud!

    Javairia: please stop the contact with him and do all you can do to stop harming yourself. However you stopped it in the past, do now what you did then, to stop this harmful habit.

    How did you stop it in the past?

    (I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours).

    anita

    #347758
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    You phrased it right for me. I should really stop this friendship right here then.

    I’m less prone to do it when I don’t feed myself triggering content or keep myself consciously away from those thoughts by venting out through art instead.

    Regards,

    Javairia

    #347772
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    His venting/ dumping was the “triggering content” that leads you to self harm. So yes, do remove this and any other triggering content (whenever possible) from your life!

    Do art, and do vent here, on your thread (it doesn’t trigger me, so go ahead, anytime)!

    anita

     

    #347954
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for the advice and the offer.

    Bless you

     

     

    #347970
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Javairia, anytime! And thank you for the blessing, same back to you.

    anita

    #348218
    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    I’ve been feeling guilty since yesterday. It’s that I suddenly deactivated my social media when my pet got sick, two of my close friends got really worried about me. And I feel like a jerk to make them have worries for me.

    And that guy texted me again, and unfortunately, I replied again. I’m thinking of telling him today that I won’t be available anymore to talk.

    I feel like such a jerk right now. One of my closest friend is having a hard time during quarantine because of her strict parents. Her parents take out anger on her, and abuse her. I feel like, “bad person” complex is getting to me again.

    Regards,

    Javairia

    #348262
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    When you deactivated your social media, didn’t you let the two friends (“two of my close friends”), including the owe who “is having a hard time during quarantine because of her strict parents” know ahead of time, or right after, that you were deactivating your social account, and that they can reach you on email/ another way???

    anita

    #348272
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I let them know. but I only left a message “I’m deactivating for a while” to them. So they got worried why I left so suddenly. Because I didn’t provide them a reason. Especially the one who is having a hard time, was very worried. No we do not contact anywhere else, and we’re pretty used to having converstaions only there.

     

    #348276
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    “I’ve been feeling guilty… I suddenly deactivated my social media… two of my close friends got really worried about me. And I feel like a jerk to make them have worries for me.. And that guy texted me again.. I replied again…I feel like, ‘bad person’ complex is getting to me again”-

    – you want to be a good person, not a bad person, so here is what you don’t do: do not self-harm, self harming will not make you a good person, not in any way, shape or form!

    Here is what you do:  decide who is good to you and for you, and who is not good to you and for you, and end contact with those who are not good to you and for you, pay attention to your behavior and see that it is the behavior of a good person.

    What do you think about the following behavior to be next, for you: telling the guy (who is not good for you) to not contact you anymore, and apologizing to your two friends (if they are good to you and for you) for deactivated your social media without letting them know why and discussing future contact with them..?

    anita

    #348358
    Javairia
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I’ll take some time to think about what you wrote. Thank you very much for your time

    Stay safe

    -Javairia

    #348388
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    You are very welcome, and thank you for wishing me to stay safe; same wish for you. Take as much time as you need to write me back.

    anita

    #349812
    Javairia
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    I tried a lot to come up with a reply to your former post for me, but I just couldn’t. I doubt the reason is: I don’t even know what behavior makes me a “good” or “bad” person. I am like a stranger to myself when it comes to defining what things are good for me or bad for me. Same with my qualities. I’ve been trying to complete my personal statement for universities, and you might know it requires an insight to the writer’s personality and useful qualities/ attributes. I couldn’t see a single thing through that said: Hey, I am a good fit for being admitted into a university, I can name my good attributes and prove them creatively. It worried me a lot. Will I stay like this? I feel like I never change in a positive way or move forward. It feels so bad.

    My teachers and school counselor would answer this with, “You are a creative person. You are preserved. We like your energy and passion.” It feels like they are describing a foreign person, someone I don’t know about. I am never able to see through myself or say good things. Describing them creatively to Common App sounds far off from reality. It made me stressed out, because I can not explain this reason others as to why I’m not being able to come up with a personal statement. And my inner self scolds me every hour in front of the blank Word Document: Javairia, if your stupidity and stubbornness to come in terms with yourself will affect your goal to get into that first preference uni, you will regret this very bad. 

    I am already regretting having to think I’m a fit for unis. I feel like my goals have disappeared after getting to know that I can’t even come up with a simple way to describe a good part of me. Who will even accept me the way I am?

    When I read your response, I apologized to my friends right away, things were settled. I deleted that guy’s contact from my phone, and told him I won’t be available on texts. Although, he still follows me on Instagram, and messages me there. I have tried to ignore the messages frequently to cut down that communication too. I hope we slowly cut off completely. He’ll be completely better off without me, he is very social and vents out a lot to many people. So, thankfully I won’t feel like a “bad person” having him left unheard.

    Thank you very much for wishing me safe. I hope things are going well for you, and you are doing great.

    Regards,

    Javairia

    #349816
    Javairia
    Participant

    *anita, I’ve been able to complete community service hours, I’ve been preparing actively for my standardized tests too, I am intending to start Portfolio work once our house budget sets too. It’s just I can do most of the things for my goal of uni, except for writing a personal statement. Financial shortcomings and this inability to write personal essays hold me back to getting to bigger places. Almost any route will require me presenting a good part of me to others in order for them to know a stranger me and keep me in their trust. Whether it a job, uni application, or even a business. I feel very short of and incapable of these two things.

    (I provided elaboration about it to give out bigger picture. I’m sorry if it was just TMI.)

    #349842
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    “I don’t even know what behavior makes me a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person”- here is an exercise I am suggesting that you do: make two lists for me, one list of actions you observed people do that you believe are good actions, and a second list of actions you observed people do that you believe are bad actions. (In the word action, I include what people say, the words they use).

    This exercise can be useful as a preparation for the personal statement you need to come up with, something that I will be glad to  help you with.

    anita

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