Dear anita,

is it also so hot today where you are? But it also loud when I have the windows opened, people are playing music and talking on the phone.

Thank you, I hope to become stronger while staying true to myself. In the past I thought being loud and extroverted meant to be strong. But you can also be strong when you are more of a quiet person. The book about introverts by Susan Cain really helped me to see that.

I am asking myself what kind of strong person I would like to be? I think I would like to be friendly and honest, at the same time I want to stand up for myself. Who I would like to be is a person who accepts herself completely, no longer being dependent on other people’s perception of me!

When it comes to role models like Lara Croft, I would like to incorporate some of the curiosity for life and her fighter spirit, but I don’t want the violence that is shown in the games. One thing that appealed to me is also the sense of adventure: I would like to explore my environment, go kayaking, spend time in nature, learn more about the world.

At the moment I am still very much in my comfort zone. It feels like I have been in hibernation mode for so long, since my 20s… It is time to step out of the comfort zone, but it is hard to make he first step. Especially when it comes to meeting new people. In my last therapy sessions I also talked to my therapist about this sort of things. She made some suggestions: I could volunteer work and ask to work less at my job, I could put out an advert for people interested in artist meetups…

But these things feel very scary and I am still thinking about it. Maybe I should try one little thing, but something in me says: no, no it’s too much, you will embarrass yourself… Here is where I am not so strong yet. Maybe I should journal about it to come to a decision.

At least I feel like I am getting a  bit better wih doing the the things I planned for myself. For example, I started to go running without a running mate and I am working on my projects. Even though it is still going slowly, I am finishing things step by step. Today I finished my collage, for example.

In other news, today I got my first vaccine shot! Everything went well, though I was doubtful for some minutes, when the person at the reception went away with my papers from my workplace. But everything was fine and I got the vaccine. And I am feeling fine, except for my arm slightly hurting. So this is also good news!

Good night, anita.