Dear Murtaza:

Smiling to be finally writing to you again! I want to re-read your recent post later, in a few hours, when I am more focused and reply further (whether you reply to this post or not). But for now, regarding the following: “I felt that her love might be worth it.. give no excuse to the other gender to not love me, but that meant I go against my values and goals, I felt so much self loathing for even choosing such path”-

– the self loathing is about giving in to societal expectations, and giving up your individual values and goals. Your values and goals  are (1) to not conform to societal expectations, including to not work/ be employed, (2) to have as much leisurely time to do as you please, and to otherwise, make your life as easy as possible.

You value unconditional love (a love that is not conditioned on societal expectations), but you don’t believe it is possible for you.

I can’t think at the moment of more values and goals (and I am not very focused presently). Am I exact in what I wrote above, and did I not mention any other goals and values?

anita