Dear Namaste87:

“My mother was a quiet, shy but an intelligent woman when she married my father but after a series of events in their relationship she has become hysterical, angry, aggressive and foul-mouthed”- I assume that she told you that she was quiet and shy before you were born, but there is no way for you to know how she was at a time you didn’t exist. She could have made that up so to make your father look bad.

“I have been subjected to physical and verbal abuse while growing up by my mother. At the same time, I have often played an adult in my relationship with her: listening to her stories of hurt and pain.. consoling her, wiping her tears”-

(1) your mother wasn’t appreciative of your great efforts to listen to her, to consoling her, etc. She repaid you with physical and verbal abuse.

(2) By the time you were 8, I imagine, 26 years ago, your mother told you her sob stories, and you listened and consoled her best you could. Fast forward 26 years, at 34, she is still telling you the same sob stories and you are “exhausted listening to them over and over again”. This means that your 26 years of investment of time and energy in your mother were a waste: her mental state is just the same, and you are exhausted.

“I would appreciate any advice, as to how I could deal with her”- my best advice to you is that you don’t deal with her at all. I know that it is an Indian cultural No-No, but give this a little thought: What would be the point of investing more of your time and more of your energy in your mother while depriving the new life that you are to bring into the world from your precious time and energy?

You will be hurting your baby and your baby’s mother (yourself) while.. still not making any positive difference to your mother. I would like to read more from you as I have more to share with you.

anita