Dear Frances:

“I don’t feel I have a life! I go to work and then there is nothing.. I have nothing”, you shared in your original post. I asked you to share about what you do have in your life (a husband, dogs, job, brother, other family members perhaps). Three days later, you shared nothing about what you do have in your life. You shared a bit  more about what you do not have in your life: “we don’t really have any friends or hobbies or a social life”.

As I understand it, you often feel that your life is lacking, that it is not enough, that something is missing, but you do feel that you have Something in your life from time to time. But when your brother visits you with his wife and son, and following his “like a whirlwind” visit, you feel that in comparison to his life, your life is Nothing.

“My brother seems to have such a wonderful life… I have nothing”, “My brother..  is always doing something with friends and his wife and son… we don’t really have any friends or hobbies or a social life”.

“I worry I will be left all alone when I’m older and have no one”, but your brother does not have to worry that he will be left all alone when he is older.. because he has a son and friends (?)

“I had an anxiety attack yesterday… I suffer from anxiety and it sneaks up on me all of sudden… I worry I will be left all alone when I’m older and have no one”- your anxiety goes up when your brother visits, and so does your anger, I imagine, anger at him or at life itself,  for not making it fair/ equal: for not making your life as wonderful as his. Anxious and angry, you fall into depression.

I imagine that his life is not as wonderful as you think it is. Maybe when he visits you, it is his vacation time and that’s when he is happy. Maybe he talks a lot about his busy social life, about friends,  because his private life, when he is alone with his wife and son- is often boring.

Maybe you and him share the same experience that so many people share: the something-is-missing-in-my-life uneasy feeling: from time to time, he distracts himself from what’s missing by having a busy social life, and his something-is-missing gets lost for a while in the whirlwind of his social life. On the other hand, you do not have the distraction that he has, and following the whirlwind of his visit, your usual something-is-missing balloons into a giant “I have nothing”.

This post that I am about to submit to you: is it something.. or is it nothing?

anita