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  • This topic has 8 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Anonymous.
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  • #381795
    Frances
    Participant

    I don’t feel I have a life!  I go to work and then there is nothing.  although I have 2 dogs & a husband.  I had an anxiety attack yesterday.  My brother seems to have such a wonderful life and is always doing something with friends and his wife and son.

    I feel I have nothing.

    #381864
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Frances,

    I am sorry to hear that you feel you don’t have a life, while your brother seems to have a wonderful life. You feel you have nothing, while he seems to have it all.

    Have you felt similarly in your childhood? Perhaps you felt your brother was getting everything and you nothing?

    #381869
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Frances:

    I would like to read about your life: your husband, your two dogs, your job, your relationship with your brother.. anything you would like to share, if you do.

    anita

    #381964
    Frances
    Participant

    Hi

    I didn’t feel like this in my childhood at all.  I suffer from anxiety and it sneaks up on me all of sudden.  My brother comes up and visits and its like a whirlwind.  He always doing stuff and when he goes back home it’s makes me compare my life as we don’t really have any friends or hobbies or a social life.  Then I worry I will be left all alone when I’m older and have no one.

    Frances

     

    #381966
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Frances,

    when did you start suffering from anxiety?

    You say you don’t have a life. What kind of life would you like to have? Do you have an idea of your ideal life?

    #381968
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Frances:

    “I don’t feel I have a life! I go to work and then there is nothing.. I have nothing”, you shared in your original post. I asked you to share about what you do have in your life (a husband, dogs, job, brother, other family members perhaps). Three days later, you shared nothing about what you do have in your life. You shared a bit  more about what you do not have in your life: “we don’t really have any friends or hobbies or a social life”.

    As I understand it, you often feel that your life is lacking, that it is not enough, that something is missing, but you do feel that you have Something in your life from time to time. But when your brother visits you with his wife and son, and following his “like a whirlwind” visit, you feel that in comparison to his life, your life is Nothing.

    “My brother seems to have such a wonderful life… I have nothing”, “My brother..  is always doing something with friends and his wife and son… we don’t really have any friends or hobbies or a social life”.

    “I worry I will be left all alone when I’m older and have no one”, but your brother does not have to worry that he will be left all alone when he is older.. because he has a son and friends (?)

    “I had an anxiety attack yesterday… I suffer from anxiety and it sneaks up on me all of sudden… I worry I will be left all alone when I’m older and have no one”- your anxiety goes up when your brother visits, and so does your anger, I imagine, anger at him or at life itself,  for not making it fair/ equal: for not making your life as wonderful as his. Anxious and angry, you fall into depression.

    I imagine that his life is not as wonderful as you think it is. Maybe when he visits you, it is his vacation time and that’s when he is happy. Maybe he talks a lot about his busy social life, about friends,  because his private life, when he is alone with his wife and son- is often boring.

    Maybe you and him share the same experience that so many people share: the something-is-missing-in-my-life uneasy feeling: from time to time, he distracts himself from what’s missing by having a busy social life, and his something-is-missing gets lost for a while in the whirlwind of his social life. On the other hand, you do not have the distraction that he has, and following the whirlwind of his visit, your usual something-is-missing balloons into a giant “I have nothing”.

    This post that I am about to submit to you: is it something.. or is it nothing?

    anita

    #381970
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Frances

    This year with working from home I very much understand the anxiety that comes from one day flowing into the next and that feeling of ‘nothing’. A seeming constant feeling as if there should be something more… then looking around watching others that ‘appear’ to be so much more engaged in life. which only intensifies that ‘feeling’ of nothing, creating a kind of self-fulfilling anxiety loop. My experience with such loops is that when left unchecked have led to panic attacks. Life’s way of getting our attention when the kinder ways haven’t been headed.

    Your brother sounds like he has the gift of being a catalyst, getting others to get out and do things. So nice to have someone like that in one’s life. I know I need that as I find it difficult to motivate myself to get out. That said, having such a gift would exhaust me so I’m ok with apricating it in others and joining them when I can. We all have our different gifts and roles to play.

    You posted under the Purpose category suggesting that this ‘nothing’ experience is associated with this thing we call ‘Purpose’ or ‘Meaning’. Your view of your brother then may be a projection of what you feel lacking in yourself. A sense of purpose and engagement with life and not so much a comparison as in you want your brothers’ life. If only you were more like him everything would be great…  Instead this may be a nudge from Life that you’re in a kind of rut that as yet can’t see a way out.  A practice of mindfulness can help you let go of the comparison which when unskillful tends to project the problem outwards as in a ‘something’ that could be solved ‘if only’ something outwardly changes to magically fix everything.  The if only and shoulds which tend to hijack the energy of change that needs to start from within.

    There is nothing like an unskillful relationship to this thing we call “purpose” and “meaning” to lead someone into a funk of stuckness of nothingness. (Purpose and meaning are something we get to experience but often mistaken as having to be a specific thing we do, should do, if only….  Only this or that action can be purpose, give me purpose… Purpose a something life is expected to give us when in realty it is something we give to life. We are, you are, purpose and meaning, Everything you are is purpose given to Life. We may not be that we are even looking for Purpose but engagement with life as it is in the moment. Something me may more easily do if we forget the whole idea of purpose, and doing so get to be surprised by a experience of it. )

    What is your concept/relationship of/to Purpose? Is it something you can generate from within or need others to validate?

    What are some of your brothers’ qualities that you might like to develop and work on for yourself?  Which qualities might you apricate but wouldn’t want to make your own?

    What small steps could you take to break this feeling of nothing and stuckness? Perhaps a change of perspective along with something that might push yourself out of our comfort zone and engage life differently?

    #381989
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Francis,

    It’s a really bad idea to compare yourself to other people, even siblings.  You work, you go home and nothing, nothing but a husband and two dogs.  Most dogs who are looked after love their owners unconditionally.  Do you walk them?  Do you play with them?  Do you stroke them?  Do you interact with other dog owners?  What about your husband – does he know how you feel?  Do you have communication?  Why are you anxious?  Most things we worry about, don’t happen.  You are worrying that you may be left alone in your old age.  You might be, you might not.  It’s 50/50.

    The real problem you need to address here is your anxiety.  It could be a simple matter of learning to breathe correctly.  You only need to take three good deep breaths to begin the calming process.  This is a very small step to take which can have major positive health benefits.  You say you go home to nothing – do you eat nutritious food, do you have a comfortable chair or sofa to sit on, is your home full of things you love?  If the answer to these questions is ‘no’ then begin doing something about that.  Commence Project Francis.  Turn that ‘nothing’ into ‘something’.  Give thanks for all the things you do have in your life.

    The only person who can make the changes is you.  Reclaim your power.  Do it now!

    Best Wishes

    Peggy

     

     

    #382004
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello my friend..

     

    My name is Wind. I live in Vietnam.

     

    I share some ideas with you.. Ideas are only for your quiet contemplation.

     

    The nature of comparing yourself, your life..

    Comes from a discriminatory View.

     

    And what is the effect from your comparing?

    Only suffering.

     

    My friend..

     

    What is the root purpose of any job in the life from a President to a Beggar?

    Only to earn for one’s life.

     

    The cause of your suffering is your emotions attached to the appearance of the life.

     

    Have you ever seen a flower compare itself with another?

    The nature of the flower is to grow up, look for the light, open and share unconditionally.

     

    Become like the flower my friend.

     

    Your life and everything within it is the appearance of your effect. Each life follows the Law of cause and effect.

     

    For example..

     

    Suddenly tomorrow your brother becomes sick and must die.. Do you still think his life was wonderful ?..

     

    Keep your eyes in your own eyes my friend.

     

    Come back to the simplicity of seeing the purpose of your life.

     

    That is.. To grow up your Soul and awareness and pay everything equal with the Law of your cause and effect.

    Remove the comparison. Replace it with gratitude. Accept everything.

     

    From imagination of what you think your life is or is not.. You destroy your own possibilities that are always waiting inside to be discovered.

     

    When we lose the purpose of our life. Meaning.. When we don’t see that without the body the Soul did not have any occasion to practice grow up and develop. This is a common cause of all suffering and delusion.

     

    My friend.. It’s ok.

    Its ok means.. You sincerely accept yourself and your circumstances. Once you accept everything that is or is not..

    You can peace inside. From peace inside you balance. From balance you come back to clarity. From clarity you can begin curious and touch fresh ideas and begin discovering your life and new possibilities.

     

    You are lucky. But you don’t see it.

    Because your habit is to look out. You mistake with yourself and do not see yourself clearly.

     

    Husband.. Brother.. Dogs.. Are all objects outside of you. Meaning.. They are not you.

     

    Your duty is to discover everything that waits inside. Following the appearance of the life is like running through the desert of your life trying to keep a piece of ice in your hand.

     

    Come back to the space of gratitude. The, you will begin seeing fresh paths appearing.

     

    Must confidence. Courage. To keep moving with the life.

    What happened to stagnant water?

    It becomes polluted over time..

    So too the Soul when we begin keeping ideas and opinions from false seeing.

     

    Everything is OK my friend. Don’t keep.

     

    My friend..

     

    Nobody ever has anything. Having is an illusion. Everything in the life is only a temporary condition.

     

    When was the last time you woke up and said good morning with yourself?

     

    When was the last time you said good night with yourself?

     

    You are here. In your life. Now.

    Put down the comparing and you will come back to yourself. Clear and clean everything inside like you clean the mirror in your house.

     

    Clean means.. Put down your emotions attached to an imaginary life that is not yours. You are here. Because your Soul chose everything.

     

    You practice to grow up your life and Soul or you practice to grow down always depends on you.

     

    Where you put your energy is where you will go. Energy is important detail. To overcome everything.

     

    Behaviour with yourself in each moment are the seeds of tomorrow.

     

    Become your own best friend. Patience. Acceptance. Compassion. Listen inside. Confidence. Courage.

     

    I share sincerely..

     

    Grow weeds or flowers inside depends on your View.

     

    Must courage to discover your life. When we just exist.. We live with one foot in the grave.

     

    Living requires great courage to face to face with everything that is or is not.

     

    Keep going. The life always moves and changes. Don’t judge yourself or discrimination with yourself.

     

    Peace my friend. Rekax with the life. Yourself.

    Everything will take place.

     

    In quiet and stillness everything Opens.

     

    Come back to yourself is the journey of each life. To become awake inside. Discover.

     

    Each life equals each destinatio

    My friend..

     

    Its ok. Keep going. No right. No Wrong.

     

    Curious is a special garden.

    The life takes place from within.

    Wind.

     

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