Cont.

I have had a significant history with binging and purging through my middle school and high school days, a little bit into my adult life. I often feel the urge to purge when I eat a lot even now, however I ended up stopping completely as an adult since I realized how much of a toll it took on my teeth, along with the fact that it never made me thinner, just let me feel better physically and mentally about eating so much.

I always figured after I turned 18 things would get better for me as far as meeting my fitness goals because I would no longer have to eat what my parents provided, or when they expected me to but I was wrong there. Not eating in general (to an extent ya know) became easier since I had more freedom but then I’d find myself returning to the binge life. It’s hasn’t been until this past year and a half that I felt more in control of my body and felt like I was on a path to a positive body image with an actual healthy lifestyle incorporated.

For whatever reason I can’t help myself lately and have been feeling incredibly unmotivated, no desire to workout not even the slightest of exercises sound doable, especially during the summer and with this recent unusual heat here I’m struggling badly. Food and bed are calling my name, and an easy walk around the neighborhood is not. I want to convince myself that it’s okay not to meal prep every week and workout daily, but then by the end of the week I feel bad about myself and feel like the way I look and physically feel has drastically changed. But I step on a scale and nothing has changed, my clothes don’t necessarily fit different unless  I have just had something significant enough to eat to make me bloated, but I still feel this awful wave of disappointment in my body.

As always, not sure what else I have to say about this at the moment but I will gladly read anyone’s advice or personal experiences with ED/negative body image.

D