Hello Richard,

From my experience, the reality of a job is rarely as described at interview.  You have another chance to secure this full time position yet you are putting obstacles in your way.  Take this one day at a time.  If you are lucky enough to be offered this position grab it with both hands and then commit to doing it to the best of your abilities.  If you want an interesting job, then be interested.  Your fears are based on “what ifs”.  These are just imagined fears.  What if it works out well, what if it turns out to be your ideal job, what if another job within the company comes along that does excite you – right place, right time.  There are endless possibilities.

Begin by living in the “now”.  Live one day at a time.  That’s all you can do.  That’s all any of us can do.  Count your blessings.  That fat kid has a Ph.D.  Congratulations.  The best way to answer your critics is to rise above it and make a success of your life.  You have intelligence and you have love.  WOW.  There is no magic potion to cure all your woes but saying thank you for all the good in your life is a wonderful place to start.  When you meditate do you light a candle and play soft music.  Do you have a focus – a mantra, a flower, a candle flame.  The word “Om” is universal or repeating “I am at peace”.

Depression is the opposite of expression.  Express yourself in your own terms.  Writing is a wonderful way of letting your grief out (grief caused through a mentally abusive childhood) or any other angst that you may be feeling.

In Reiki, we have a connection symbol.  Meditation is about connecting to your inner self.  Knowing yourself on a deep level which may also lead to knowing what your life’s purpose may be.  We are called human beings yet very few of us know how to just ‘be’.

I hope you can find your way through your current difficulties.

Blessings.

Peggy