Dear Murtaza:

I got the feeling of love for you back today (to whomever may be reading this: it is not a romantic or any particular category of love- it is just love). I wanted to run to you (that is, post to you) right away to let you know! In that running, I was a girl running to a boy to let him know that I love him. (Again, to those who may misunderstand: this is not about age or gender or romance). That was a few hours ago. I had the time and opportunity to think, and I understand now that love in its nature needs to make a positive difference in the one who is loved- that this need is in the core of the nature of love. When love makes no positive difference- it dies every time.

In conditional love, the message is: if you do A, B, and C (specific things like get a job, buy me B, and do C for me)- then I will love you, for as long as you work and provide me with these things.

In unconditional love, the message is: I already love you and my love for you has to make a positive difference in your life, it’s the nature of love, not only mine but everyone’s. Unlike in conditional love, the positive difference is not specified, but it has to be significant.

In my last three messages to you I was angry at you. When I accused you of dishonestly manipulating me, I was wrong. I was mistaken. You sometimes manipulate information to support your arguments in ways that are not  intellectually honest, but you didn’t dishonestly manipulate me or other members. (Talking about arguing- you are very good at it, lots of experience. I am not good at it, so I shouldn’t really try anymore).

The theme of your posts is: “I don’t think it matters anymore, nothing is, even making this post…I believe as long as I’m going to live, I’m going to be miserable… I lost it, before I even had it…  it doesn’t matter, it happened, and nothing will be changed… I won’t change, neither is society”-

– A person who loves you cannot accept this because love has to make a difference, or else it must die. (It hurts too much otherwise).

You wrote to me: “you said that there is no sociopath gene.. I think that you refuse to believe in such because the latter is problematic to your values and beliefs, you like to think that people learn such thing, and unlearn it, a world without evil, the same things goes for believing in freewill, imagine thinking that there is no freewill, no morals, this isn’t a very nice way to look at the world.. if there wasn’t a gene for it, and we learn it, why couldn’t we just un learn it?”-

–  I know evil exists, I know it too well. I know that lots of people are so deeply set in their impulsive habits that they are no longer able to exercise free will, they are like automations. I believe that sociopaths are not born that way, they become that way. Once they are that way, they can’t o are very unlikely to unlearn it.

You wrote to me: “(normies are).. people.. who can’t accept that some people are doomed, some people like me, and the best option for these people is to spear them away, I just wanna hear it, this truth, form someone like you”- It is true. Too many people are doomed. Many have moved too far away from what is good. They are too far gone.

“I’m sick and tired of being the blame, no matter how much arguments I provide, no matter how much reasons I give, its always my fault.. no matter what logic and how much evidence I put, you will never accept me or like me, you will never be okay with my decision, not because I’m wrong, but because you don’t like it… Can you understand this?”-

– I don’t really care right now who is to blame. It doesn’t matter. You are the way you are, and that’s all there is to it. I don’t want you to follow societal norms, to get a job, to get married. I don’t care about that. I just want to make a significant positive difference in your life. I mean, my love for you wants that. (I don’t have free will in this regard: I can try to love you while being okay with you being as miserable as you were before knowing me- but I am doomed to fail).

This post right here, is the most meaningful-to-me post I ever submitted. I think that it is objectively very meaningful. I want to remember that it is, even if you disagree (and argue, as is your habit), even if.. I am the only one here who knows how meaningful this post is.

anita