Dear Anita,

I absolutely understand the metaphor of the withering plant. It is definitely rare and refreshing when someone asks about you and actually cares for the answer. I am sorry your mother made you feel unsafe, and that you weren’t able to reply to your uncle because of her.

My mother also participated in my quietness. She would talk over me, didn’t give me time to answer, wouldn’t listen to what I say (even when she’s been the one asking). She made me feel like no matter what I would say it wouldn’t matter, so I ceased to try at some point. It happened with some other people, so I inferred it was usual to not be heard, and I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.  I was disappointed with the lack of connection I felt with other human beings though, even if I accepted it, there were worse things than being ignored.

And the worse things were more like your experience with your mother. When someone hears you and it gets you into trouble. I experienced that with my mother too. When she wasn’t ignoring or preventing me to express myself, she was out for war and drama. Spared no one, so we had to be careful not to fuel her. Which was difficult because she could start over the most little things, so the safe way was to share as little as possible.

I would gladly answer your questions if you have any, Anita.

I got some for you if you don’t mind.  Do you have people in your life now who ask you questions and care for the answer? And are you in a place where you can answer them safely now?

I wish you well,

Linarra