Dear Moonflower:

I thought that maybe reviewing your previous May 2016 will help better understand your situation now. Back in 2016, more than five years ago, you shared at the end of 2015, you had a surgery to remove a tumor and the ovary that it was attached to, that you were recovering from the surgery, still weren’t able to do vigorous physical activity, but you were trying to take it in your stride, as you put it. You and your partner were loving and supportive of each other, having moved into a new home a short time before.

You were partly “very unhappy..  frustrated.. incredibly emotional, lost and scared”  with “a deep place of fear, anxiety and self-preservation… mental chains” within you, feeling that because of the surgery, part of your womanhood was taken away (even though you would still be able to have children). You gained weight and were critical of your body, “Particularly at my stomach.. with new battle wound”. Your anxiety became “heightened to any sort of health problem”, and the most minor problem made you panic. Part of you was positive: “I feel I have too much to live for and my life, if anything, is only just starting. I need to let go and know all will be well and through yoga, meditation and self study of books”.

Fast forward five years and 2 months, yesterday, you referred to your surgery of late 2015 as one that “completely changed my life and was traumatic”, saying that it “has since triggered a few quite bad health issues including Crohn’s and Fibromyalgia”, and that you are living with the daily pain involved in these two diseases . Back in April 2021, you had “a complete crumbling and hit my lowest, felt suicidal, wondering what was the point”.

Since April this year, you’ve are experiencing “a massive spiritual awakening”,  “a whole new level” of spiritual interest and discovery. You are back into reading spiritual books, back into “Crystals…  Taoism, Buddhism, philosophical, new age, Christianity etc.” You expressed your spiritual interest to family members, in laws, and friends who are Christians, but their reaction has been critical and discouraging. Your reaction to their reactions:  “It’s made me afraid to live authentically… I’m feeling stuck in my mind loop”, wondering if your spiritual interests are “all a sin and I’m misguided?”

You added: “I honestly believe that as long as what my thoughts, spiritual journey and interests are all aligned with the highest good, love, light, growth and purest intentions, focused on kindness and compassion with a deep respect for all that is, this earth and inhabitants, surely no God or universe would consider that a sin/bad/need for punishment?”-

– My thoughts: I strongly and passionately agree that “the highest good, love… kindness and compassion with a deep respect for all that is, this earth and inhabitants” is not a sin. It is the other way around: it is  lack of love, lack of respect, lack of kindness and compassion that is a sin, or an offense/ transgression/wrong (using non-religious words).

What is Wrong, on a massive, global scale is that we are currently facing a world that is getting hotter and hotter (global warming) and more deadly (climate change, political radicalization, coups, gun violence) because of lack of love, respect, kindness and compassion, and a lack of far-sightedness.

And so, anyone’s criticism of you (for engaging with ideas and practices that have to do with love, respect, kindness and compassion) is a result of extreme narrow mindedness: not looking at where the real danger is.

Reads to me that following your surgery of late 2015, your anxiety increased, particularly in regard to your physical health, and that your increased anxiety played an unfortunate role in either the development of your Chron’s Disease and Fibromyalgia symptoms, and/ or in the severity of the symptoms. Anxiety is definitely not a laughing matter- an excess of it for too long damages our bodies in one way or another.

How severe, prolonged anxiety damages our bodies, and what parts it damages- depends on our individual genetic predispositions, our habits, “the help” we get from bacteria, viruses and parasites that invade our bodies, and so forth.

Please do all that you can to minimize your anxiety/ stress level. Continue your current spiritual quest and do not make it contingent on the approval of people.. who disapprove of it.

anita