Dear Anita,

“Following this post I will stay away from your thread for some time and let you communicate with other members. My reason: I believe that it is ineffective and distracting to have 2 or more parallel ongoing and elaborate conversations (on emotional, personal topics) between the original poster and replying members. If and when I notice that your communication with other members has slowed down and leaves space for me- I would like to return to your thread.”

I understand your reason. It is indeed overwhelming to have different elaborate conversations. I am trying to reply to everyone with as much investment as I can give, because I am very grateful for anyone who spent time replying to me, they deserve thoughtful answers. There were more constructive responsive than I was expecting, which is great, but I can’t deny it is distracting and my focus is splintered.

“ let me know if it is okay with you that I return to your thread at a later time”

Of course, you are always welcome to return when you’ll deem it right.

“Thank you for suggesting that I do the exercise myself only if it benefits me. You are very kind. I would like to do the exercise later, when I return to your thread.”

If it’s something you would like to, feel free to do it anytime that will feel right for you once you are back.

“Problem is that the function of emotions (before they become messy) is to give us needed information, information to which we have no access if emotions are shut down.”

Good reminder, I tend to forget that quite a lot since I observed for so long my mother expressing her emotions very loudly yet somehow never listen to them, nor gathering information.

“The histrionic, loud, confident-sounding mother who talks too much is the Actor in her daughter’s life, and the daughter is the Reactor. Often the reaction to her is to become the Opposite of what she is: She is loud- You are quiet, She talks too much, randomly, nonsensically, haphazardly, impulsively indiscriminately- Your talk is purposeful, logical, selective, disciplined, She plays the victim- You overtake responsibility, and so forth.”

I can’t think of a more accurate depiction of this phenomenon. It is so true, and makes so much sense. I tried, in my teens, to be loud when communicating with her, with hope by speaking her “language” I would reach out to her. She hated me when I was doing that, she didn’t listen much more.

At another time perhaps, until then I thank you for this nice conversation. It is always good to be understood and seen as clearly. I wish you well.

Linarra.