I’m glad you are going to watch the meditations. Sorry the Breathe one doesn’t work. If you search it with Mimi Page, it might come up. And yes get “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

Some other books good for the soul:

“Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed.

“Try Softer” By Aundi Kolber (goes over trauma responses)

It seems like your trauma response is feeling like you’re a burden, desiring any attention even if negative because of neglect, guilt for boundaries etc. The next thing you need to do is connect these with childhood beliefs. Where do these stem from? Once you make that connection, soothe your inner child and change the inner dialogue by strengthening the inner adult and telling her what is really true. You are NOT a burden. You deserve meaningful connection, nothing inappropriate. You do not need to feel guilty for saying no. It will not bother people who are good. Repeat these statements as necessary. This would be a great journal prompt to explore further.

You were right to tell off that guy. It seems like you are really traumatized though because of how long you fought him off without just breaking it off. It shows me you have trouble saying no and goodbye. Make a list of things you do NOT accept anymore. Inappropriate touching is one of them. How will you respond if someone does this to you? Plan ahead of time. Will you tell them once and then see what happens? Or will you cut them off?

I think you need to cut your mom off and anyone else who traumatized you as a child. When you say she touches you…what does that mean? Like sexually or just lack of boundaries in general? Neither is okay.

Self-advocacy and self-esteem are the struggles I am seeing you have due to trauma responses. What are some kind things you can say about yourself? What do you deserve?

Know what you stand for or you’ll fall for everything.

I’m proud of you. I’ve been reading your responses here and am so amazed at how intentional you are to heal and how you take in everyone’s advice. Don’t exhaust yourself though in the process. Give yourself breaks too from this. It’s a lot to work through. People will understand if you don’t answer right away. I just wanted to give you that option in  case you are in any form people-pleasing in this forum too. 🙂

Sarah