Dear canary,

I now know that I was asking for the bare minimum in the relationship, but it was so difficult for him to give it to me. He has trouble with empathy and he wasn’t able to empathize with me because he was too worried about himself.

It’s good you’ve realized it wasn’t you who was too demanding, but it was him who was self-centered and giving you very little.

I simply want the best version of him in my life again which is why I have hope.

Have you seen this best version of him? If I understood you well, he lacked empathy and was self-centered throughout your relationship. But you also say he was selfless and kind at some point, and tried to empathize with you “even if he had lots of trouble with it.”

You say you knew about his symptoms (I assume his lack of empathy?) even before you dated. Based on everything you’ve written, does it mean that there was a period when he was trying to change and be a better person for you, a person with more understanding and more empathy? But he never really succeeded, and now he’s given up and is just selfish, “extremely arrogant, only cares for himself” and “does not care to be a better person” any more? He returned to his old self?

You say you saw a potential in him, and this is what’s giving you hope. But since he’s given up on bettering himself, you know this hope is unreal and you want to let it go? Am I understanding it right?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Tee.