Hi TeaK,

I don’t remember each scenario exactly but I will try my best.

At the beginning of the friendship, he was aware of my mental state and was checking in on me, asking if he could do anything to make me feel better. This continued on into the relationship but slowly he started checking in on me less. I would get lots of anxiety and need reassurance that he loves me. He would try his best to reassure me and make me feel better. When I was having very rough days, we wouldn’t talk as much because he was never available to talk. This really hurt me and he was aware that we weren’t talking as much and he admitted it.

I believed he did not love me, but he was trying his best to show that he does even if he wouldn’t respond to me as quickly as I’d like. He told me that he has ADHD and would hyper-fixate on something (video games) so he couldn’t find the time to respond. I was totally fine with him responding after a while, but it was really rough for me when I was having a bad day and all I needed was someone to talk to, and he wouldn’t be there for me when I needed him. I’m aware that he was trying his best even if I didn’t feel loved by him.

One situation really hurt me deeply and it was one of the first times I realized he couldn’t give me the empathy and support I needed. I was on my way to the hospital because I was getting admitted for suicidal ideation, I was in a really bad state of mind. I was also very nervous because it was a big step for me to ask for help from a school counsellor and I was waiting for my ride to get to the hospital. On my way, I was texting my ex-boyfriend about my situation and I was telling him how nervous I was. I was just talking to him about my current situation, and he suddenly changed the conversation towards himself, talking about how he got such a bad mark on a test (he was in class at that time). It really hurt because I felt like what I said was ignored and he did not care that I was on my way to the hospital. It was really upsetting because I needed lots of support that time, and he was the only person I had contact with during that time. I have other friends for support but they were not available to talk. I didn’t even tell my parents about this.

I didn’t tell him at that moment that it hurt me that I was being ignored, but I did tell him later in which he said that he is sorry for that.

He always does this in conversations, even when I’m just talking about myself (unrelated to my mental state) he does not acknowledge it and just continues to talk about himself. It feels like I’m being ignored and I just wanted him to empathize with me and understand me to the best of his abilities.