Hi TeaK,

I’m not sure if this was shyness or anxiety but in the Fourth grade (I was 9) my group partner had accidentally cut open his finger from velcro and was bleeding. I was too afraid to ask him if he needed a bandaid or if I could go tell a teacher. This is the earliest memory.

In the fifth grade (I was 10), I was very shy and anxious. My teacher would always pick on me to answer in class (she would specifically pick on me because she thought I was shy and wanted me to get out of my shell) and I would get extreme anxiety. My anxiety was at its peak during that time, so I would skip school so I didn’t have to deal with that. I also had no friends in that class.

In grade 6 I made a plan to make friends in my class, I did talk to people but I realized no one was interested in me. Until a new student came along and I talked to her and we became friends. A girl came between us and we had our own friend group. But that girl was making the new girl her best friend and she eventually formed a friend group that I was apart of but I wasn’t getting treated fairly by the girl. She bullied me and I felt alone. Near the end of the year I finally stood up for myself. I told them that they were being rude, I was so loud about it and then I ran away and cried.

In 7th grade I reunited with my old friends and made a new best friend too. I was coming out of my shell and I remember not being very shy and anxious. This continued on into the 8th grade. But I was getting bullied and teased by boys in the other classes for my appearance.

In highschool I was very shy and anxious, I had trouble making friends so I mostly kept in touch with my old friends. I only made two friends in highschool, one of them being my ex.

I experience anxiety most days. Today I went grocery shopping and had major anxiety that I would bump into my ex. I also experience intrusive thoughts every single day. As well as existential anxiety and thoughts.

I’m just not sure what to do about it anymore.