Dear Candice88,

He hasn’t been to therapy. A mutual friend confirmed that he regretted the break up months after it happened, and that she told him how he messed up. According to him he hasn’t been hurt by anyone after me, so I think this is what started the contemplation for him.

It’s interesting that he didn’t need therapy or some sort of a crisis to realize those things, but okay, everybody is different…

Yes, I’ve had depression since childhood. But as an adult I was able to be truly happy, until the cheating with S and Japan. The self esteem issues that came at that time definitely harkened back to my childhood issues. However, I was very stable and happy before S and I even got together, and I also lived with confidence and ambition before then.

Right… it seems that due to depression in your childhood, S’ cheating and his behavior afterwards really hurt you badly, so much so that you developed panic attacks and PTSD symptoms. It sort of pushed you back into the old trauma…  Would you like to talk some more about the reasons of your depression in childhood?

No, with M it’s not cocaine, but similar. He seemed down to earth, sympathetic, calm, and generally wholesome when we first got together. He and S actually have very little in common.

Is there anything in common between S and M? Or perhaps M seemed like the opposite of S (calm and humble, as opposed to ambitious, self-confident and high-energy?), and this is what attracted you to him?