Dear miyoid:

Oh, now I understand what your friend meant, he meant that you don’t take responsibility for your own personal life in the context of relationships with people. You expanded the idea, explaining (I paraphrase) that you are not in the habit of exercising your free will to choose. Instead, you are in the habit of passively submitting to other people’s choices, going with the flow of their choices, as if sitting on a raft on a flowing river and letting the water take you wherever it will.

“I don’t choose people, they choose me. And I stay in their life as long as they continue choosing. I think I’ll try to start choosing people from this on”- I hope so. Yes, do start choosing people from now on, including the men in your life, and your life will be much better for it!

There is a term that applies, it is called Locus of control and it means the degree to which you believe that you control what happens in your life, as opposed to external forces, such as other people, controlling your life.

Psychology today. com: “Someone with an internal locus of control will believe that the things that happen to them are greatly influenced by their own abilities, actions, or mistakes. A person with an external locus of control will tend to feel that other forces—such as random chance, environmental factors, or the actions of others—are more responsible for the events that occur in the individual’s life”.

You can read more about it, if you want.

“I’m getting better, I suppose. I’m depressive sometimes but I try to distract myself with movies I have always wanted to watch and couldn’t find time to”- getting better is good enough for now, keep getting a little better every day while distracting yourself with movies. (I wonder what are your favorite movies).

On a side note… Fear plays a great role in my life. I get scared a lot, by the life itself”- that’s more of a major note than a side note, isn’t it? Fear is the most powerful motivation there is, of all emotions. And we are all afraid, aren’t we.

“I don’t trust life that much”- that’s one major reason to not go with the flow anymore, to no longer let untrustworthy people choose for you! Learn to trust yourself, and your life will be indeed, much better for it!

anita