Linarra

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate them a lot! I’m learning to forgive myself for being imperfect. I think we have similar struggles and are making our way out of similar things. I think it’s very brave of you to keep trying to heal and to find yourself and find answers. I’m proud of you for that.

I’ve read to page 61 of Man’s Search for Meaning. It is hard to think about, all that suffering. Logotherapy or meaning therapy is a very powerful tool. What do you think your meaning or purpose is? I’ve asked before but maybe you could elaborate, even tell me more of your dreams with your scripts. What is your ultimate aim?

When I was in high school going through a hard time, a thought that got  me through it was “One day I’ll help someone else with this.” Well that thought led me here years later at the age of thirty to moderate Tiny Buddha’s forum as well as other things to help others.

But I have learned this- it is important- No, it’s crucial- you must be selfish too with your time on earth. I am writing a Young Adult Fiction novel where my character loses a friend to difficult circumstances (human trafficking is a theme). And she wants to dedicate her life to one day be an FBI person who fights for those causes.  But she also wants to be a singer and she’s grappling between the two goals. One, for her friend. Two, just for herself. She’s afraid of being selfish. My goal is to show people there are always ways to help but the self must come first.

In your instances of life struggles, your self has been put last by abusers and even by yourself. You must forge an identity out of the struggles you are facing. Get to know yourself, your thoughts, your needs as you are doing now in this forum. It’s very important that you journal some thoughts challenging your negative ones. You can share them here too. I think that exercise will help you with what we all have- a negativity bias. A negativity bias is one where we see the negative more than the positive. It’s not to say you’re situation isn’t hard. But it’s also tunnel vision- that is all you’re seeing sometimes.

You didn’t have someone pour into you “Good job. I’m proud of you. You’re amazing. You’re worth it” all your life so you must be the one to do it now. Reparent yourself. It will be hard to change the self-talk in your head from negative to positive but self-compassion is key to changing your life.

Start with self-compassion. You came here to fix your problems, fix yourself.  But maybe that’s not the ultimate goal. There will always be something of an obstacle in our way from finding true happiness even once we’ve found it. Try to love yourself, to grieve for the little girl who didn’t get love, to tell yourself words of kindness, to stop worrying about what you should be doing and how you should be acting or where you should be right now. Stop “shoulding” at all. 🙂

Meet yourself where you are- human. Imperfect but beautiful. Flawed and powerful. Bent but not broken.

You are enough as you are even if you don’t solve everything you came on here to solve. That will remain true. So don’t fret if you don’t  have answers for the anxiety or depression right away. Replace your negative thoughts with ones shouting “I LOVE MYSELF” everyday. Try those meditations I told you about, join the facebook groups…there’s so much you can do. But at the end of the day, nothing can make you happy unless you learn to love yourself despite feeling like you’re a mess right now. You have to see the good in yourself. You have to build the “self”  back up so you can be selfish in a healthy way.

Your mom might have ruined your mental health, but she did not take away your strong spirit. You have enough to get through this time. You don’t know what’s going to happen next. The uncertainty makes it worse. But you have one thing- a life that you can decide everyday. As Viktor Frankl says the last of human freedoms is the attitude you have. What will yours be?

Sarah

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.