Dear Richard,

you say you’re in a negative thinking mode more often than not, and that it’s hard for you to be optimistic.

One reason could be that in your childhood, you experienced a sense a failure and hopelessness in the relationship with either of your parents, e.g. if you tried to make your mother happy but you never succeeded. This is just an example, doesn’t mean it refers to you. But a sense of hopelessness about changing the parent, or changing the relationship with the parent, is often in the background of feeling hopeless and depressed as adults.