Dear AP:

I am so sorry that a good friend died in her sleep, and at the age of 38.  Life is precious, like you wrote, and we are reminded of it once in a while.

You say you want to be real with her: this is why I suggested earlier to send her a message, one that will be as real as can be. I think that it’s better than a phone call or a meeting in-person because it gives you all the time that you need to form the message, and it gives her all the time that she needs to read it and to respond to it. Better send (and respond) to such a message when calm, when you are at peace with what you are about to send,  and then wait a day or two, and if you still feel at peace with it- then send it.

anita