Dear Damien:

As I understand it now, your goal vising her will be to move your stuff out of her flat: not only so to get your stuff back, but to create space in her small flat, which will be good for her. The moving might take 2 visits. During these visits you are hoping that she will see that you are more attentive and supportive of her, and a better listener than you used to be. You are hoping that during these 2 visits, she will think of you as more of a Solution (however imperfect) than a Problem.

You think that although what she told you (that which I boldfaced) was not all due to her depression, her depression contributed to her negative thoughts and feelings about resuming a relationship with you. If she will be less depressed because of seeing you in-person (as opposed to when texting in the last 1.5 years), she may think more positively about resuming a relationship.

If I understood you well, then you are making sense to me. I think that your plan is logical, sensible and considerate of her needs. Notice how alarmed I was about the boldfaced part: how I figured you must send her the key back and leave her alone? I was wrong to jump to that conclusion. You persisted and patiently explained your thoughts to me in a few more posts, and I changed my position… What if you can be this successful with her and cause her reconsider her position as well…(?)

“how would you measure my chances of success for returning together ? I still don’t know until I see her how her condition affects her. It will be also there I will feel she needs time“- I am more optimistic now, as I changed/ adjusted my position.

Post again anytime and please let me know what happens next, I am hoping it will work out well for you and for her!

anita