Hi Felix,

welcome back! It’s good to hear you’re doing better job-wise and that you’ve found a job you really like. That’s great progress!

I am sorry though that you’re suffering in the relationship department and cannot find anyone suitable.

And the second issue is the anger at women that I am trying to process. A lot of what I feel is fair criticism, but my anger goes deeper (and no I don’t express it online and that’s not the answer). But it’s irrational.

It’s good you’ve realized you feel angry at women and that it goes deeper. We’ve spoken about it in your last thread. This is what I believe is the root cause of your anger:

My mom divorced my dad as soon as I was born and found someone who had status and money (considering it was USSR). So that’s why I don’t fully trust my mom even though she is a very good person, she still put her own ambitions over her husband and son a the time.

Your anger at women in general may be irrational, but your anger at your mother is very rational and justified. She was the first woman who betrayed you.

Any thoughts on how to manage this utter awful feeling of loneliness, sexual frustration, desperate need for closeness and intimacy, female friendship, etc?

Well, I think you’d need to work on that early anger towards your mother and the experience of having been abandoned by her. You’d need to heal that wound before you can be ready for a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. Are you still attending therapy?