Hi Felix,

happy summer to you too 🙂 I am fine, although chronic knee problems have kicked in again, so this gives me some trouble. Other than that, I am fine, thanks for asking.

My mom has nothing to do with this, honestly. She didn’t do a great job with me, but she is a good wife, daughter, and even mother at times. This is a lot deeper.

Unresolved trauma from childhood runs very deep, it’s been proven. Volumes have been written about it. So don’t be so sure it doesn’t have to do anything with it. On the contrary…

I don’t have the answer to any of this. I just decided to concentrate on my studying, gym, biking. I’ve never felt so hopeless about something so silly like meeting girls. I wouldnt want to wish my frustration about this with anyone.

I understand your frustration. Totally. I am giving you a possible answer, though. A possible place to look.

PS. I am not looking to find the cause or blame mom or anyone else. Past is in the past. I am trying to disconnect from my primal urges for intimacy and relationships before they lock me away at a mental hospital.

Past isn’t in the past. Unless we process our childhood trauma, it’s right there in our adulthood, haunting us, affecting our lives in undesirable ways. We can’t escape it, other than suppressing and repressing it – which isn’t healthy. Don’t try to disconnect from your primal needs because they are valid. Rather, work in therapy through the trauma, through the pain, so you can be healed. There is no way around it, but through it.

I am not seeing a therapist now, but I will once my new insurance kicks in. This is just stupid and sad. I am angry at my self because it’s happening in my own head and I can’t stop it =((

Please do see a therapist when you can, and work on your childhood trauma. We’ve already spoken about it before. There’s a little boy inside of you who craves to be loved, and his craving is legitimate. Don’t be angry at him, but have compassion for him. The way isn’t to beat him till he’s curled on the floor and can’t utter a sound (which would be repression), but to tell him you’re there for him and that he deserves love.