Dear Bianca:

“I’ve always had my mind to help me… I’d think of my future with my dream guy and how I wouldn’t always feel lonely… My dream guy or dream life was my way of thinking of a future where I was better, and people would be nicer to me… Now, I feel like I can’t think of that perfect life anymore because these thoughts keep getting g in the way“-

– I think I understand, the sexual orientation thought robbed you of your imagining your dream life with your dream guy, your way of feeling better about having been rejected by friends, and feeling so lonely.

I can’t think of anything to say at this point, other than to ask you: if you think back, way, way back… when did you feel terribly alone, for the first time?

Just because I asked you, I will answer my own question in regard to myself: I remember one night, I was 5 or 6, I was scared, no one was home, I ran to the street looking for my mother. I found her! Excited, I ran to her, I ran fast, and when I was close to her, almost reaching her, I lifted my arms up, so that she will pick me up or bend down and hold me, and take me in her arms… but she didn’t. She was angry at me instead. That was the beginning of my Loneliness.

anita