Dear Ates:

You are welcome.

“I was scared of her at first but it was everyday so I got used to it“- I am guessing that you got somewhat used to the abuse and were able to rebel against it when you were a preteen or a teenager, when you had an outside social support (“I had lots of friends… I was happy when I was out of my house“). For a child/ teenager who spends a lot of time alone with her abusive mother, with no one to protect her inside the home, and no friends/ social support outside the home- getting somewhat used to abuse and rebelling against it would be impossible.

“my scare turned into disgust. I was going to do my way whatever happens because I didnt want to obey someone disgusting“- yes, reads like the thinking of a teenager who is able to think of her mother as disgusting (young children worship their parents no matter their behaviors).

“She is extremely feminine and I am a tomboy. She loves makeup, design, clothes, shopping, I hate all.. I love talking about games, sports, science. She does not care“- not wanting to be disgusting like her, you made sure that you are not like her in any way!

“She was telling me that she wanted to have a daughter so she can do make up..  but instead she got me, a small boy“- she wanted a girl friend to play with.

“Her abuse was everyday, either calling me mean names, yelling.. and sometimes beating me. Mostly she was telling mean stuff about my personality.. How she was a victim and I was the bad person… how she is so unlucky because I was selfish etc. ‘She was the greatest mom ever, everyone would love to be her daughter but she got me.'”- She wanted a girl friend, a peer, and she got a child instead. I think that she felt it was unfair that she went through the trouble of pregnancy and birth and instead of getting a girl friend of her age, with just the right personality to suit her, she got a child. So she expressed her rightful anger (rightful, in her mind). A very self-centered, child-like and cruel woman indeed.

anita