Dear Dave,

it seems to me that you and your wife are a good fit, and in general are supportive of each other. But what seems to be a problem are the circumstances around her job, which as you describe it, takes her entire day: she gets out at 5 am, then comes home briefly to hand over your son for babysitting, and then goes to work, staying there till 8 or 9pm. That’s the entire day! No wonder she is exhausted and isn’t in the mood either for sex or for doing any chores.

It appears you are resentful of that and don’t want to do the dishes or fold the laundry more out of “principle” than because you wouldn’t really have the time. What also seem to bother you is the fact that she is working so much, exhausting herself, and still, the income she is bringing is quite small, so much so that you had to sell the house and move to a cheaper place, and also, you’re paying with your own money for some of her work equipment (the tractor).

I understand your resentment and the feeling that you are the only one contributing to the relationship. The problem is that she is working a lot without a proper pay. That’s why you feel she contributes nothing – neither money, nor time, nor intimacy. She otherwise seems like a good woman, who supports you and listens to you. She would be capable to be a wonderful partner (give and take a few things like perhaps her jealousy, but it seems like a minor thing).

But anyway, as the things stand, it seems she is sacrificing everything for the job she loves, and as a result, potentially ruining your relationship (and possibly her health too?). Perhaps she is still in the phase of building her business and that’s why she is giving her all and unintentionally neglecting her family? You said this regime of her working a lot has lasted since the last year. Does she have a business plan and a time plan for getting her business off its feet? Perhaps it’s been specially hard due to covid?

In any case, I think the two of you should talk about her plans, because the current regime doesn’t seem sustainable on the long run. The ideal scenario would be that she still gets to do what she loves, but that she also gets to spend more time with you and your son. So, to achieve more work-life balance.

Do you think you could talk to her about this?