Dear Dave,

you’re welcome.

We have talked about her hours and changes to her business that would let her have more time, but she doesn’t do anything about it.

So you have been through this cycle of talking about possible improvements, discussing options, you giving suggestions, asking for her ideas… and the result is that nothing changes. Because she cannot make up her mind. For some reason, she is stuck.

Does she realize that she is hurting your relationship by spending the whole day at work and even fixing things that the property owners should be fixing? Have you told her how you feel when she dedicates so much time to her work, while dedicating so little time to you and your son?

Perhaps the first thing to clarify is why she’s staying at work so long – is it because she is avoiding you or resenting you for something (“I am afraid that if I ask her to go to couples therapy she will not have time, or stay at work longer to avoid it.”), or because of reasons that have nothing to do with you, such as her low self-esteem or similar?

In any case, I believe it would be good if you’d express your own needs and also express how it makes you feel when she is never home. Perhaps instead of trying to help her with her business plan (which obviously doesn’t work), talk about your feelings honestly and see how she reacts.