Dear Amy:

You shared: “I have a history of depression and social anxiety. I was also bullied as a kid and was raised in an emotionally chaotic household… One thing I tried was saying something positive when they were being negative about someone but this resulted in them becoming mad at me and accusing me of “defending” the other person…  I feel myself becoming negative and being pulled down with them… and I feel like I’m having a war in my own head”-

– (1) You were bullied as a kid. Fast forward- as an adult, you are being bullied by this negative person (let’s refer to this person as N) who attacks you when you are try to help her! (2) You grew up in an emotionally chaotic household that pulled you down and made you feel like having a war in your own head. Fast forward- N is creating emotional chaos for you, pulls you down and you feel like having a war in your own head.

You asked: “I would like some advice on my practice when it comes to dealing with negativity/negative people… what steps you go through when you find frustration or anger arising in yourself?“- as a kid, you had no choice but to live with  and interact with negative people who created chaos for you, etc. But as an adult, you have the ability (I hope) to stay away from such people and not interact with them at all.

As a kid, you had to endure people  and deal with the frustration and anger they left in you, but as an adult- you don’t have to avail yourself to people who make you frustrated and angry.

“Currently I have just been trying to be aware of my breath, the feeling in my body etc. but I’m still getting stressed out. Should I continue in this way or maybe there is something else I should be doing?“-

– the something else that you should be doing is: stay away from N. Instead of trying to calm your breathing while interacting with N- don’t interact with N.

I am guessing that you would have stayed away from N if you didn’t feel guilty about staying away from N. I wonder if N is your mother, or your father, or a colleague at work… (?)

anita