Dear Anita,

” your behavior toward your mother never followed an intent to hurt her, while her behavior repeatedly followed her intent to hurt you. When you love a person, you don’t harbor an intent to hurt them (not beyond a momentary instinct that lasts only a second or two, not long enough to carry an elaborate hurtful action). […] If said person A, in between hurtful actions, displays affection toward person B (“she shows us affection“)-  person A still, does not love person B.”

I agree, it makes sense. No matter what she says she doesn’t love me (enough or at all). During all my teenage years I tried many many ways to help her go beyond her abusive tendencies, to make her understand she was repeating the abuse that was done to her and that it wasn’t the way to heal, that she should get professional help because I couldn’t do more… I gave her a lot of time to pick up things, a lot of patience and energy. If really she wanted to change, certainly it would have gone differently. If she really loved me, I wouldn’t have had to try that hard.

 “when she touches you were you don’t want to be touched, your breasts, let’s say.. seemingly affectionately, and you remove her hand from your breasts- you are not hurting her, even if there seems to be hurt on her face.”

Protecting myself isn’t hurting her. Even if it was, she would be the one interpreting wrong and causing her own hurt. If she was able to think healthily, she would understand I may not want to be touched in a certain way by her and she wouldn’t be hurt that I do not allow that.

” as in: I care about you…  another feeling of breathing fresh air”

Yes, I do care about you, Anita. And I am more than happy to give you breaths of fresh air.

Linarra