Dear Linarra:

“If it’s too much you can skip parts, while keeping in mind I’ll keep thinking of you with fondness either way!“- when you wrote this you knew just what I need (and what I needed and did not receive from my mother: a consistency or fondness, or affection or.. maybe even neutrality, regardless of my little choices, or a word I happened to say, etc.) Thank you!

“She considered herself indebted in me, though, or so she was saying“- this here is evidence of mental separation from her, and a good principle to always keep in mind when you try to understand her: “or so she was saying”!

“my actual relationship with money is messed up… the extreme feelings of guilt at the idea of earning any money through any kind of means is… part of my dysfunctionality. And this one is purely irrational… even for the short time, I worked in a factory I was worried about not being worthy of the money I earned. I just don’t process well being given anything, even when I do the thing I’m supposed to do for it I will seek for the many reasons I am not worthy of it… the money anxiety was vivid“- feeling that you are not worthy of receiving money is part of this dysfunctionality, as you termed it, but I think the fear/ anxiety behind this is not your perception that you are being “given anything” but that something is being taken away from you.

I just found out that I will need to prepare to go out for the remaining of the day. If you want to, you can respond to the above before I return to your thread, develop your thoughts about it.

I will read the rest of your post and reply further Sunday morning my time. I hope you sleep well-enough tonight, precious Linarra.

anita