Dear Linarra:

“It is like this, she did care about keeping me physically alive, but not mentally..“- you described it so well.

“Children are not a financial investment supposed to bring more money“- I would be better off was a wise investor, nurturing and growing her investment instead of abusing and destroying her investment!

“Your mother shouldn’t have had kids, ever. And since she had, she was wrong to act as if it was her right to… destroy your mental health and demand from you more and more. She absolutely missed the point, she could have had a beautiful relationship with you and she throws it away“- thank you, and  yes: she threw it away/ she threw me away.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, she was the one who messed up and twisted your relationship. She was the one who created misery in both of your lives… For very wrong reason. Money isn’t everything. Love worth so much more than luxury and wealth. But her values and heart never was in the right place. You tried to put up with that and make her happy anyway… Yet, she didn’t value it, she didn’t deserve it“- thank you again, and yes: she didn’t value it/ she didn’t value me. I was an “it” to her, is my point.

“She had so much power over you for so long… I’m am glad you’re free from this guilt now. You deserve to live and feel for yourself“- and.. thank you again. Yes, I am free from that guilt, and as I just remembered how I used to feel vs how I feel now in regard to guilt, I had the image of me floating in the air, above the chair I am sitting on.

“I managed to have a good conversation with her though, I explained some of my worries and where it came from and she understood and explained her thoughts and feelings. I will try to see if I can get more honest feedback from her once in a while, if I’m able to ask it naturally“- I hope it happens then, and remember: do not push yourself. If you imagine yourself as an adult walking beside the child that you were, walking across a bridge, and she is scared: don’t push her forward. Instead, take her hand gently in your hand and patiently help her take small steps forward.

anita