Thanks Anita.

He asked to talk a couple weeks after our breakup and said he felt miserable and couldn’t stop thinking about me, which even I was a little surprised to hear because I had been focused on a job interview and not dwelling as much over the breakup. He was taking initiative and asking what I needed and was acting on it, and I agreed to try again. Inviting me on a vacation with his friends was quite big to me. I’ve been more busy since I started working and we call once or twice a week randomly. We text less. But he will reply when I message him.

I did seek out a therapist at my university but I didn’t find it that helpful. I felt like I opened up so much to them and was told to read something about “children of alcoholics.” Talking about it made me more sad afterward because I felt like I opened up that wound without much support. The university therapy is also only once every two weeks which isn’t often. I am looking for another therapist.

I agree, he is quite independent and can seem distant. He is not dependent on the relationship. I don’t know if he has a healthy view on relationships and I am just needy. It’s hard to understand for me. When I told him I felt like he wasn’t taking me seriously, he said he has this entire time. He can be open and vocal and tell me he loves me and is in love with me, whereas I struggle with that. When we talked about cheating before, he said he would never cheat. But I am confused as to why he doesn’t need that daily closeness the way I do. I never considered the fact that he may be avoidant.

He doesn’t really help me move closer to moving out. Since we met, he has said he wants to get married at age 30-31, which I thought was late. Recently he told me, he’s thinking of 32-33 now…. And we couldn’t buy a place together unless we were married because of cultural reasons. So I can’t really consider him an option for help with that.