Dear Lily Margarette,

I’ve had no apology for the insult in front of my kids or the fact they ignored our wedding anniversary. Or for the fact that they’re just plain nasty. They’ve completely shut me out.

They indeed are nasty. Even if they have some disagreements with you, the fact that they didn’t come to see their grandchildren although they were in the neighborhood and after not having seen them for a year tells a lot. Also, how rude of your father-in-law to refuse to sit next to you and then proclaim “because no one wants to sit next to her”, as if you had leprosy.

I understand how it also pains you that your husband sort of agrees with you, but then secretly seeks apology from them – when it is them who should be apologizing! He doesn’t have the guts to stand up to them and tell them that they can’t treat his wife like that. He is weak, I think he is afraid of being rejected and judged by them.

I think you should talk to him and tell him how disrespected you feel when he goes back to apologize to them instead of defending you. It shows lack of respect for you. He would need to take a stance in this matter. I understand that it’s hard for him, due to his childhood conditioning and probably lack of self-esteem, but still, you’re right to be upset about it.

Otherwise, how are you with your self-esteem? Can you stand up for yourself (in other situations, not necessarily with your in-laws) or you feel frustrated about people not respecting you enough?