Dear Lily Margarette,

you are very welcome.

I spoke to him today and he feels by visiting them it’s sorted it out even though I’ve had no apology or heard anything from his parents.

It’s sorted out for him – he feels stressed if he doesn’t smooth things out with his parents, so he apologizes, maybe even in your name, or says something like “oh, she didn’t mean it”, and that’s how he appeases them and maintains a courteous relationship with them. But it’s not sorted out for you, because you’re made to be the guilty party and they are innocent. So things are upside down. And your husband unfortunately is keeping things upside-down and contributes to this unfair situation.

I told him I can’t have a relationship with his sisters and parents because I find the negativity they project is too much for my mental health.

You’re right. You don’t need to have a relationship with someone who is so rude and disrespectful to you. You don’t need to go visit them and then get a humiliating treatment. You have the right to say No and respect your boundaries and as you said, your mental health.

My father-in-law has always been rude, the way the whole family speaks to eachother at times is shocking but no one ever stands up to him, apart from me and other people who are outside of the family say this is his problem with me. I dare to speak up and to add insult to injury I’m a woman.

So he is a bully (and a narcissist?) but no one dares to stand up to him, apart from you. That’s why you’re so “offensive” to him. Like, how dare she speak to me like that?! You have the guts to stand up to him, which your husband doesn’t. You are able to defend yourself alright, but your husband cannot defend himself, neither can he defend you.

I’m a full-time housewife and don’t feel as if I could cope financially if I were to split up from my husband. … I think feeling dependant on him makes me feel trapped in a very unhappy situation.

Is your husband respectful towards you otherwise and only shows weakness with his family? If so, perhaps you don’t need to separate from him. But you can tell him clearly that you won’t allow to be treated like that, and you refuse to keep contact with his parents and sisters, since they mistreat you and disrespect you. Your husband can go visit them alone. If your husband refuses that and guilt-trips you, then you can start thinking of separating because then he truly isn’t respecting you.

How does this sound to you?