Dear Lily Margarette,

I spoke to him last night. He told me the family treat me the way they do because I won’t forgive them for the stuff they’ve done and I won’t apologise.

Have they apologized first for the stuff they’ve done to you?

He said his sisters don’t like me because I speak out to their father.

And should you stay silent when someone openly humiliates you and treats you like you have leprosy, when someone on your wedding day tells you you are ugly?!

His words were “how would you like an outsider coming along and having a go at your mum” …. an outsider…that’s how they see me. After 12 years of marriage and 18 years being together

Yes, that’s quite something…  it means they never accepted you as part of the family. Probably they only accept those who suck up to them and tolerate their father’s bullying. And even more worrisome is that your husband sees you as an outsider too, those are his words, which means he agrees with his parents and sisters.

Surly it’s up to the individual whom they do or do not forgive? I feel I’m being bullied into forgiving.

Yes you are, you see it well.

He said he gets why I feel the way I do and he has stuck up for me but he wants to get to the point where we are ok as a couple when it comes to family situations and gatherings. I told him I won’t ever stop him from seeing them, but I personally can’t have a relationship with them. So what does he do? He sets up a group WhatsApp with me, him and his mum. I don’t want to say anything to her.

Unfortunately your husband is bullying you into forgiving them. He is forcing you into a relationship under their terms, a humiliating and degrading relationship, where you are not respected at all.

His mum said that I’ve fractured the family. That there’s hurt on both sides, they’ve nearly finished my marriage with their actions, and there’s hurt on BOTH sides!

I understand your frustration. The problem is that your husband is on their side, and is forcing you into a degrading relationship with them. It means that he wants to please them at all costs, disregarding your needs and your feelings.

I feel like just throwing in the towel I’m so sick of the same argument go round and round.

By throwing in the towel you mean you you want to give in to his requests? What are you planning to do?