Dear Lesley:

You are welcome. I apologize, seems like I misspelled your name twice…

A little summary of what you shared, paraphrased: you are a mother, divorced, 43. He was your first real relationship, the first man you said I-love-you to, and the first whom you introduced to your kids since your divorce. He was in your daily life, part of your daily routine..  and then he disappeared from your life and it felt/ feels like “a vanishing. A death”.

“Any tips for getting through this even without the answers?“-

Yes: You wrote: “we had a routine that felt solid… He was in my world everyday“- develop a new solid daily routine to replace the one you lost, the one you had with him. Part of the loss that you feel (“this loss.. I feel lost”)- is the loss of that solid daily routine. Part of the “vanishing.. death” is the vanishing and death of that solid daily routine. So, replace it with another.

In the new solid, daily routine include daily aerobic exercise like fast walking for 20 minutes or longer, or swimming, and maybe a yoga, or other group exercise (you can download youtubes): this will relieve you from physical stress.

Include in your daily routine some form of emotional expression–  it will relieve you from the stress involved when our emotions are not expressed (repressed or suppressed), allowing painful emotions to move through you,  from the inside to the outside. It can be done through some form of art like drawing, painting, writing, etc. (doesn’t need to be of professional quality!)

One way to see the word emotion is: e-motion, or energy-in-motion. When we don’t express strong emotions, what we do is pushing them down, depriving them from motion. To be emotionally healthy we have to allow our emotions the .. motion that is so essential to them.

anita