Dear Candice88,

Another thing to point out is how the toxicity wasn’t let out of the bag all at once. … I was the one that noticed that it was addiction – he never admitted to that before the last 6 months.

When did he start behaving suspiciously? When did you suspect first that something is off and that he might be hiding something?

I completely understand that the addiction has nothing to do with me. Before yesterday I was upset but at peace with the ball being in his court and never expecting to hear that he got sober in the end.

But the cheating is what is tearing me apart. The cheating is what is telling me that I’m not good enough. And that something is inherently wrong with me.

Right. So you attributed all of his bad behavior to his being an addict, and not because you’ve deserved any of it. So you didn’t feel bad about yourself. But once you’ve found out that he cheated on you, you suddenly felt it was because of some failure in you. That you’re not good enough or desirable enough. You didn’t think that his cheating (and being attracted to trans girls) is also contributed by his drug addiction? And if it were, would you feel better about yourself?

Or, as an option B, that his cheating is caused by him being a lousy person in general, regardless of his drug use or not. And again, that it has nothing to do with you?